The Good Son

The Good Son

Shaping the Moral Development of Our Boys and Young Men

Format
ePub
Price
$12.99
 
Additional Formats
  • ePub
  • ISBN 9781101191552
  • 416 Pages
  • Tarcher
  • Adult

Overview

Selected by Publishers Weekly as one of the Best Books of 1999, The Good Son is the definitive guide to the moral and emotional development of our boys and young men. Within its pages, Michael Gurian widely credited as the founder of today’s “boys movement” takes readers through a complete parenting program, showing how to instill virtues in boys at each stage of life.

For parents and teachers who fear that our child-rearing systems have lost much of their ethical underpinnings and that our boys are becoming emotionally closed-off, The Good Son serves as a welcome guidepost. It is one of today’s premier books on parenting and male development.

“Gurian is becoming the boys’ Dr. Spock.”-Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

“Lays out a well-organized blueprint for ushering boys into manhood…. Outstanding.” -Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“One of the most provocative new books.” -USA Today

Table of Contents

Introduction
The Declining Moral Health of Our Sons
Two of Life’s Most Important Words
The Good Son Parenting Plan
A Crucial Duty

Part One: The Challenge of Providing Discipline and Moral Development to Boys

One: What Does It Mean to Have a Son?
The “Male Question”
Merilee’s Courage
Morality Is Somewhat Different for Boys:
Aggression and the Brain; Testosterone; Hormones and Stress; External Behavior and the Male Brain; Brain Flexibility; The Brain at Rest; Impulse Control; Mental Disease
Inside the Male Mind: The Search for Inherent Worth and Value
Boys Depend on Moral Training

Two: Are We Protecting Our Sons from Moral Harm?
The Nowhere Men
Mark: What Are the Ten Commandments?
Jonathan and His Friends: Strain on the Mother-Son Bond
Grant, Les, and Tommy: The Tragic Loss of the Father
Brandon: The Gradual Loss of the Extended Family
When the Media Poisons Our Boys
The Mechanization of Boyhood
The Moral Nature of Boys
Good Son Parenting Principles

Part Two: Nurturing the Early Years of a Boy’s Development: The Age of Obedience (Birth to Six Years Old)

Three: Infancy: Nurturing Boys from Birth to Eighteen Months
Your Son’s First Developmental Episode: An Overview:
He Is a Spiritual Embryo; His Biggest Task; He Learns by Imitation; He Is a Literal Thinker; He Is Delicate and Fragile; He Sees Everyone as a Potential Nurturer; The Age of Obedience
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Growth; His Individual Temperament; His Necessary Narcissism; His Angels on Each Shoulder: Synchrony and Remedy; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
The Beginnings of Discipline; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; The Role of Adult Anger; Using Appropriate Physical Discipline; Using Bedtime as Self-Discipline Development
Moral Teaching
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Child Care; The Role of the Active Father; Adoption; Extra Attention the Boy Needs; Nutritional Issues; Media Use; The Rituals of Life; The Role of Godmothers and Godfathers
Emmit’s Story

Four: The Toddler Years: Nurturing Boys of Eighteen Months to Four Years
Developmental Milestones:
His Basic Psychological Development; His Intellectual Growth; His Hunger to Explore; His Hidden Biology; Attention as Discipline; His Toddler Search for Independence; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Creating a Family Discipline System; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Using a “Time-Out” and Loss of Privileges; Showing Him How to Do the Right Thing; Raising Your Voice; Dealing with Repeated Offenses; Spanking; Using Bedtime as Self-Discipline Development; Toilet Training
Moral Teaching:
Letting Toddlers Experiment; Helping Toddlers Make Good Choices; Finding the Spiritual in Everyday Life
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Changes in the Caregiving System; The Importance of Motor Activity; Media Use
Terrence’s Story

Five: The Boy Emerges: Nurturing Boys of Five and Six
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Growth; His New Sense of Gender Identity; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Adequate Love and Attention; Providing Natural Consequences; Providing Natural Rewards; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Limiting Whining and Backtalk; Providing Behavioral Limits; Giving Permission; Teaching Appropriate Response Time
Moral Teaching:
Building Spiritual Life; Modeling Adult Responsibility; Teaching Delayed Gratification; Teaching Good Manners; Pick Your Battles; The Question of Lying; The Question of Stealing; Helping Him Channel Aggression
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Being Wise Parents and Authorities; Preparing for School; Chores and Allowance; Discarding Cultural Stereotypes; Media Use; The Rituals of Life
Philip’s Story

Part Three: Nurturing the Middle Years of a Boy’s Development: The Age of Convention (Seven to Twelve Years Old)

Six: The Between Years: Nurturing Boys of Seven and Eight
Your Son’s Second Developmental Episode: An Overview:
His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Biggest Task; He Is in the Age of Convention
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Being a Strong Authority; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Handling Sibling Rivalry; Praise and Criticism
Moral Teaching:
Building Spiritual Life; Teaching Good Manners; Beginning a Service Activity as a Family; The Question of Lying; Helping Him Channel Aggression
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
The Family Environment; The School Environment; Chores and Allowance; Media Use; The Rituals of Life
Evan’s Story

Seven: Pre-Adolescence: Nurturing Boys of Nine and Ten
Developmental Milestones:
His Leap in Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Reasonable Consequences; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Dealing with Backtalk; Disciplining the Hard-to-Handle Boy; Attention Defecit Hyperactive Disorder
Moral Teaching:
Moral Training in Supervised Groups; Sports and Athletics; What to Do If Your Son Is Being Bullied; When Your Son Is the Bully; Sexual Morality; Teaching the Art of Thoughtfulness; Expanding the Moral Dialogue at Home
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Spiritual Development; Honor Obedience; Chores and Allowance; Don’t Leave Him Home Alone; Don’t Overdo Privacy; Protect Your Precious Moments; When Parents Divorce; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The First Rite of Passage
Lester’s Hope: Do Each of Your Actions as a Gift to Some Living Thing

Eight: Pre-Puberty: Nurturing Boys of Eleven and Twelve
Developmental Milestones:
His Brain Development; His Verbal Development; He Still Learns by Imitation; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Stopping Rudeness; Grounding the Boy
Moral Teaching:
Sexual Morality; Teaching Honesty and Loyalty; Teaching Toughness and Tenderness; Guiding the Boy’s Moral and Spiritual Quest; Teaching Proper Consumption
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Handling Peer Pressure; Be Very Involved in the Boy’s Life; Changing Roles of Family Members; Supporting Single Mothers; Supporting Single Fathers; Increase Honor Activities in Schools; Media Use
Jamal’s Story

Part Four: Nurturing the Teenage Years of a Boy’s Development: The Age of Moral Intuition (Thirteen to Eighteen Years Old, and Beyond)

Nine: Puberty: Nurturing Boys of Thirteen and Fourteen
Your Son’s Third Developmental Episode: An Overview:
His Biggest Task; His Thinking Is Not Always Consistent; He Is in Some Real Emotional Turmoil; He Is Developing in the Age of Moral Intuition
Developmental Milestones:
His Encounter with Puberty; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development; Risky Behavior During Puberty; Separation from Parents
Discipline Techniques:
Applying Curfews; Holding to Core Rules; Providing a Balance of Freedom and Responsibility; Providing More Than One Disciplinarian
Moral Teaching:
Where to Draw the Moral Lines; The Temptations of Drugs and Alcohol; Handling One Common Problem: Cigarette Use; Handling Shoplifting and Stealing; Building Spiritual Life; Sexual Morality; Helping Guide His Emotional Impulses
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Family and Community Life; A Best Friend; Mentors and Role Models; The Need for Respect; Homosexuality; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Second Rite of Passage
A Doctor’s Story

Ten: The Middle Teens: Nurturing Boys of Fifteen and Sixteen
Developmental Milestones:
His Individuation; His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Rules and Consequences; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Practicing Creative Discipline; Practicing Immediate Accountability; Holding Appropriate Expectations of Young Men
Moral Teaching:
Holding High Moral Expectations; Using Stories, Moral Puzzles, and Moral Debates; Sexual Morality and Romance; Handling a Son Who Has a Drinking Problem; Challenging Teen Drug Use
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Trustable, Adaptable Parenting; Work and the Workplace; The School; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Third Rite of Passage
Cameron’s Story

Eleven: Pre-Adulthood: Nurturing Young Men of Seventeen, Eighteen, and Beyond
Developmental Milestones:
His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development
Discipline Techniques:
Providing Discipline for the “One Bad Act”
Moral Teaching:
Encouraging Moral and Spiritual Education through Travel; Encouraging Service Activities; Teaching the Art of Relationship; Handling Money and Work; Having Faith in Our Sons
A Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:
Supervision; Responsibilities; The Mentor; Adult-Adult Conversation; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Fourth Rite of Passage
Marcel’s Story

Epilogue
Appendix I: Fifty Books and Movies That Stimulate Moral Growth in Boys
Appendix II: Additional Resources
Notes
Index
About the Author

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