Handling a Breakup

  1. Breaking up is an evitable part of the process when you are looking for that one true love.
  2. Facing adversity is one of the best tests of a compatible relationship. How you respond to and fair through ups and downs in finances, a bout of bad health, a family death, or a beleaguered battle should influence your breakup outlook.
  3. Ambivalence should be expected in forming and breaking attachments.
  4. You aren't alone when you suffer the pain of heartbreak. The whole world is singing about it, research points out. The experience and emotions of being dumped have been put to words. If you listen to the lyrics of almost any song, you'll hear words describing the humiliation, betrayal, and anger felt by the jilted, dumped, and misled. Turn on the radio for company.
  5. Move on! Men who experience serious breakups or painful divorces express pessimism over finding true love. The sentiments of many men are echoed in the words of a man who confided in me and said, "The mere possibility that a wonderful woman might come along is in itself a fantasy."
  6. Be careful how you word you prenup. Problems arise long term if either partner feels they are living on the edge of a gang plank, harbor resentment, or lose trust in one another. Whoever has less money feels at a disadvantage, and if personal self-worth doesn't match his or her money, the marriage will probably self-destruct.
  7. Sociology professor Diane Vaughn says that relationships that unravel over time begin with the psychological departure of the partner who wishes to leave. The psychological departure signifies one person's decision to end the relationship and indicates a loss of that person's romantic interest. It is possible for the other person in the relationship to miss the signs of psychological departure because they are not obvious.
  8. A breakup that won't plague your conscience later should enlist the support of a warm heart. The reputation of a cold-hearted lover could have negative repercussions later on and affect the way future love interests look at you.
  9. A long-term, loyal lover deserves the benefit of your kind-hearted consideration and a thoughtful breakup.
  10. Stop that language! Experts claim that saying, "Let's be friends," in the course of a breakup causes too much confusion. Men use it more than women as an euphemism for, "It is over. I am no longer interested." Women interpret it as anything but a definitive split. It raises expectations that men rarely meet.
  11. Expect to feel lousy, and expect your partner to feel the same if love was sincerely exchanged. Some family therapists have conjectured that only death of a loved on surpasses the emotional pain of ending a serious relationship.
  12. A good sign that you have reached closure is when you can hear a song you and your honey used to dance to and experience a neutral flow of emotion. That means no regret, no tears, no rapid heart beat, and no outbursts of anger.
  13. A lesson, right or wrong, that many people say they learned in the aftermath of a failed romance is how hard it is to find someone to love. However, that opinion is not always well founded but motivated by one's immediate state of disappointment.
  14. Men are more black and white when it comes to breaking up. When asked how he handles the end of a relationship, a 28-year-old male professional admitted to me, "Get another one." Ladies, you may find comfort in knowing that while he thinks you are interchangeable and expendable, painful memories do linger—especially in the supermarket when he sees a product his last love interest particularly enjoyed.
  15. Did you know that you can be feeling lonely in two distinctly different ways after a breakup? There is the loneliness attributed to the isolation you incur after separation from a loved one and the loneliness you feel from losing your partnership status or place in a particular social circle.

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